Buoyed by their success in cleansing their roads of women, the Saudi authorities are reportedly considering a clampdown on Bahraini drivers. According to our source in Riyadh, Alamin Al Hassan, Saudi advisers have submitted recommendations to minimize simmering tensions in the neighbouring Kingdom. “Flashpoints are created as Bahrainis mingle with policemen and tanks at check-points”, he said. “A 10-year cooling-off period is proposed, during which Bahrainis will not be permitted to drive.”

Still under discussion is how Bahrainis would travel to work. “It’s a small country, and recent events show that many prefer to walk into the capital, Manama”, says Al Hassan. But another suggestion is for Saudi Arabia to provide further assistance by sending drivers to Bahrain, creating much-needed employment opportunities for thousands of school-leavers.

With the current reporting restrictions in Bahrain we have been unable to gauge local reaction to the plan. However, a Twitter message posted by the country’s Ministry of Interior and Tourism appears to endorse the proposal: “Pedestrian areas to boost Manama’s tourist appeal.” With its easy-going lifestyle, Bahrain has long been a popular weekend resort for Saudis, who take the short drive across the causeway linking the two countries.

In a related development, F1 supremo, Bernie Ecclestone, is hoping that the postponed Bahrain Grand Prix can be rescheduled at the end of the season in November. “F1 has always steered well clear of politics”, he said. “but we’re pleased to see strong leadership in Bahrain. I always thought that the problems earlier in the year would turn out to be a storm in a teacup.”

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For the past month, I’ve been living back in my boyhood home, the place I left forty years ago. My mother’s been poorly and needs full-time care, so this is where I plan to be for a while, with my wife joining me in a few weeks’ time.

It’s a curious thing coming back, after being so long away, with just the occasional brief visit. In my mind there’s a snapshot of the town as it was in the 1950s and 60s. I’ve been talking to people who have lived here all their lives, gradually absorbing all the changes, and I’m beginning to feel like a photo album. I mention a shop name, or a person long gone, and watch them smile as they say ‘Yes, I’d completely forgotten …’ Funny how a name conjures up a face, or a memory, or an experience. Music does it too, I guess.

It’s prompted this prose-poem – Gatekeepers – and I think there’ll be more in the series. It’s nostalgic and reflective … but there’s a deeper layer of meaning intended too. (To set you off in the right direction, think about who else we often refer to as gatekeepers, we writers.)

When I write poetry, I want it to be read aloud. I love the sounds of words, onomatopoeia, deliberate ambiguity, the rhythm and flow of lines. I’ve just discovered a site called AudioBoo – and I think it’ll allow me to record and share an audio version of Gatekeepers. I’ll let you know how I get on and where to find it, via my Facebook page (Alain Miles – don’t forget to Like the page to sign up).

The River
GATEKEEPERS


The river, we called it, but now I’m grown and travelled
maybe we exaggerated: wide enough
for paddles not for oars, green and languid
summer-shaded drifter, hobo, friend
of swans, dragonflies, rats, the big old pike
and fearless urchin-adventurers, Rich and me.

Over the garden fence, tackle and bait,
nets and knowledge – fathers’ hand-me-downs
to the bank where we balanced floats, maggotted hooks,
assessed the current, searched for hidden depth
and weed and silent darting shadows, cast
in the role of real serious fisher men.

Not all we caught was treasure: a shoe, a root,
the opposite bank, sometimes ourselves; but then
a quiver, tension, repetitive bob, and the line
jerked away upstream, our wit and strength
tested by the silver-scaled, rose-tipped
beauty, the largest landed in our small history.

Boys will be men, and nature will be tamed –
The gatekeepers move in, divert the flow:
The threat of flooding needs to be contained;
Your child can’t drown now that the water’s low.

The pike’s long gone, and where we caught the rudd
A supermarket trolley’s stuck in mud.

Photo of the Botany Stream, Tonbridge, contributed by Nigel Chadwick and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.


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Cowardly Lion

Read your horoscope today? Nor me. That stuff we read in the papers is all a load of nonsense, isn’t it? But sun signs? Believing that our personalities are shaped by astrological forces? That’s another matter entirely. I’m a believer.

In my early years I had no idea I was a Leo. Timid, introverted, lacking self-confidence, cautious, I was a disgrace to my sign. Not that I’m blaming myself. Astrology wasn’t the sort of thing we talked about in our house. It wasn’t till my mid-teens that I first got my hands on Old Moore’s Almanack. I remember slipping it between the pages of Playboy so my mother wouldn’t find it.

The pleasure I had in those secret moments with old Moore. Again and again I thumbed his pages, shivering with excitement as I re-read my destiny. I was King of the Beasts, a born leader, a creator, a giver and receiver of love and affection, a pleasure-seeker. And I liked the mane. Other boys my age wanted to be an astronaut, a pop star, an accountant. Not me. I wanted to be a Leo.

It took me a lifetime of dedication to get there. At first I was a Cowardly Lion, but when everyone was out of the house I shut myself in the cupboard under the stairs and practised roaring. Soon I began to overcome my fear and doubt; I learnt to lead and I was never wrong. I fought the status quo unceasingly, intolerantly. And now I feel I’m a true Leo. I’m not perfect of course: still today I wonder whether I’m sufficiently regal and pompous. But whenever anyone asks to see my profile, I just refer them to Traditional Leo Traits.

As with Leo, so with Alain. I wasn’t always a proper Alain – in fact, I wasn’t an Alain at all. For years I floated quite happily through life, perfectly content with the Alan Miles brand. Until I came to publish my first novel. And then, to my horror, Google told me that I wasn’t Alan Miles at all. Or if I was, then I already had several books in print, and I had a face that wasn’t at all the one I remembered. I checked the mirror. No, I was right: I wasn’t blond and my nose was more … aquiline. So then I called my mother. Had she been keeping a terrible secret from me?

- Oh that’s good. So you don’t have to write books any more then? And you can go back to your proper job?

Thanks Mum.

I did some more checking and it got worse. There was another A Miles writing too. Writing diet books. Now, it’s true that I have been thinking about writing ‘Cooking For Me And My Dog’ – recipes we both enjoy. But a diet book!? It hardly sounds like me. Lions don’t diet.

So what to do? I suppose pistols at dawn could have been a possibility. But remembering my positive experiences as a born-again Leo, I decided that the best thing was to be a born-again Alan. Now if you’ve ever been born or reborn, you’ll probably remember that one of the highlights is getting a new name. And that’s exactly what happened. I was a born-again Alain.

Why Alain? Well, many people think it’s French. Just the other day, a reviewer was discussing my dialog style – my refusal to use quotation marks – and concluded it was some kind of “French thing”. Actually it’s because after years of faithful service in my garden office, my computer has a few dead insects trapped under the screen, so when I have scenes full of dialog, it can get very difficult to read: is that punctuation or an insect? Since I can’t get rid of the insects, I decided to get rid of the speech marks. But if thinking of me as French makes readers happy, adds a little je ne sais quoi to the writing, then it’s a myth I’m happy to build on.

But the truth is that Al Ain is a city in the United Arab Emirates, a country that has happy associations for me. I considered other cities there too: Dubai, Abu Dhabi, even Ras Al Khaimah Miles, but none of them had quite the ring I wanted. And besides, I think I might have some kind of metaphorical affinity with Al Ain too: an oasis city, stuck in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by desert.

So Alain it was. A new life as a writer, and with my new nom de plume, a new identity. Following in the footsteps of the greats: George Eliot, George Orwell, Mark Twain and Pimbo. But even for a Leo – strong-willed, positive, independent, self-confident, with no such a word as doubt in my vocabulary, this hasn’t been easy. To become the new person, I need to eradicate all traces of the old: just try telling Facebook and LinkedIn that you’ve become someone else. Or your mother. Or your spouse. (This wasn’t so bad: she said she was pleased.)

I spent the whole day yesterday being Alain and leaving Alan behind. I launched the Alain Miles author page on Facebook, rebranded myself in LinkedIn, retitled the blog, created an alainmiles.com domain. There’s just one problem: I might be a fraud. Facebook is certainly suspicious. Before they’ll allow me to ‘claim’ my page, 25 people have to ‘Like’ it. Not see it, not read it, but actually Like it. What if it never happens? I could be left in limbo for the rest of my natural days, neither the Alan I’ve renounced, nor the Alain I intend to be, just a figment of my own imagination ….

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If you’d like to help me out of author purgatory, please Like the Alain Facebook page.

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I’m told I have an American reader. To you, madam, warm greetings … and this translation aid for the following post:

VAT = Value Added Tax. Try to imagine a Sales Tax with bells and whistles.
EU = The European Union. Think Federal Government, without a federation.

Everything else, I think, is in English.


I may not have mentioned that I’m a senior member of the lobbying group, Fair And Responsible Taxation. Fully paid-up of course.

FART is deeply committed to the principle of taxation. How would countries and politicians stay in business without it? How would FART stay in business, come to that? Our flat 7.5% levy on all tax revenues collected keeps us fed and healthy, and has assured us of support across the political spectrum. Many of the world’s great statesmen have been FARTs.

But we also recognize that for a tax to be popular, it must appear to serve the common good. People are reluctant to see their hard-earned wealth redistributed unless it serves some greater cause, such as job creation, population control, or urban renewal. That’s why raising taxes to fight a foreign war is always popular – it meets all three of these criteria, as our splendid adventure in Afghanistan clearly illustrates. Spending on public health on the other hand always draws a groan. The public isn’t stupid; they know that the more people fit to work, the fewer job vacancies there’ll be; and if people start living longer, they’ll obviously consume more of the world’s natural resources and start clogging up our towns and cities.

I wouldn’t want you to get the impression that we’re only concerned with macro-economic issues. We have teams of experts constantly reviewing the fine details of tax legislation, always on the lookout for discrepancies, inconsistencies, and the opportunity to boost our income – which, with the logic of our fair levy, is also in the national interest. FART for the good of the nation – that’s our slogan.

As a novelist myself, I’ve been entrusted with chairmanship of our sub-committee for books and publishing, and I’d like to take this opportunity to present some of the latest FART thinking and open it to public debate. That’s the way things ought to work in a democracy, wouldn’t you agree?

In the UK, VAT is charged on ebooks but not on printed books – and in fact, right across Europe the ebook rate is higher. It’s a glaring anomaly and a very unpopular tax: search Google for ‘ebook VAT‘ and the words you’ll see headlined are unwanted, idiotic and Why? Why indeed? Most ebooks have the same content as their printed equivalents. So why should the consumer pay more tax on the version that doesn’t require us to cut down trees (or fuel transport or power warehouses and shops)? In our green-alert society, the ebook tax clearly fails the ‘common good’ test.

How did this come about? Blogger James Bridle suggests it’s because ebooks are classed as ‘electronic guides’ rather than books. Not so, James. Applying this logic, there’d be VAT on the print versions of cookbooks, car repair manuals, and Douglas Adams.

To tell the truth, some of our politicians were hoping that things would swing the other way. Remove the exemption for ebooks, they argued, and the public would come to realize how unreasonable it is to treat printed books as a special case. After all, it’s hard to argue that a book is one of life’s essentials like other zero-rated goods – food, children’s clothes, gold, and bingo.

Unfortunately, the politicians miscalculated: instead of demanding to pay more VAT on printed books, the public wanted to pay less on ebooks. So, for several months, FART was trying to find its way out of a hole. How could we make an unpopular policy popular, while still retaining our revenue stream? We were grateful when the EU took the heat out of the argument by ruling that from January 1, 2011, individual states could reduce the VAT on ebooks to match the rate for print – but at their own discretion. Knowing full well, of course, that no government worthy of the name would simply toss aside an increasingly important revenue source. January 1 came and went. Nothing changed.

Meanwhile, we were working away furiously behind the scenes, and I can now announce a solution that is fair, responsible and above all, consumer-friendly.

Our first decision was easy. Obviously, we had things the wrong way round. From the start there should have been VAT on printed books, while ebooks should have been exempt. Who today could argue with a tax designed to preserve our forests and woodlands? That’s socially responsible taxation. So our plan is to have printed books reclassified as ‘household furnishings’ – more accurately reflecting their status in a changing world. They’ll be taxed at the standard rate.

But that still leaves us with a problem. As sales of ebooks surge, so print sales are declining. If ebooks were zero-rated, our income from books would eventually dwindle to almost nothing, and the nation would suffer. Our solution, I think you’ll agree, is bold and breath-taking – a work of FART.

The original inspiration came from James Bridle’s post. Although his ‘electronic guide’ hypothesis was wrong, we liked the question it raised: when is a book not a book? Clearly it has nothing to do with the physical form. If a printed novel is converted to Kindle format, people still think of it as a book; but they don’t if it’s a guide or a set of instructions, whether in print or digital format. So the distinguishing feature must be content. We took the idea further. A set of instructions is self-evidently non-fiction. Suppose we made that the starting-point: that non-fiction should be taxable, but fiction not.

In purely economic terms this works. In the Kindle store, non-fiction books outnumber fiction by more than two to one, and the average price is considerably higher. With two revenue streams, print publications and non-fiction ebooks, we were confident that our VAT returns would give us – and the nation – a degree of comfort.

But there was still a nagging question. We’d have no problem selling the idea of taxing print books – all we needed to do was to roll out the old ‘dead tree’ argument. But how could we convince the public that taxing digital non-fiction was both fair and responsible. How could we make them enthusiastic to pay?

And then someone came up with a brilliant idea. What about a progressive tax, with ebooks rated according to the amount of fiction they contained? What if, as well as fiction and non-fiction, we introduced a third category – semi-fiction? After all, we agreed, the lines between fiction and non-fiction are increasingly blurred. Take Dan Brown’s novels, for example. How much of The Da Vinci Code is factual and how much fictional? Take the book I mentioned in my last post, Peter Bergen’s The Osama Bin Laden I Knew. Take my own novel, The Lebanese Troubles, for that matter. We sat down together to run the rule over my book, and found it to be 73.47% fictional (building in a 3% margin of error in case things which were not true at the time of writing may become true later, or vice versa).

Our plan is to tax books according to the percentage of factual detail they contain. Entirely factual? The full VAT rate will apply. Entirely fictional? Zero-rated. Semi-fictional, with a 70% fiction content? Consumers would pay 30% of the standard rate.

Will this popularize the tax? You bet your life it will … with this clever message:

THERE’S NO TAX ON IMAGINATION


The politicians among you will quickly appreciate the power and impact of the sentence. Here’s FART, serving the common good, promoting, preserving, curating one of mankind’s most precious assets – its imagination. And even as we take more from consumers (on the nation’s behalf), the emphasis is on taking less. It’s a lesson we encourage our politicians to learn: stop talking about what you plan to do; focus instead on what you’re certain you’re not going to do. It makes for less trouble all round.

So far, so good. But then we needed to consider the practicalities. If we’re going to tax ebooks on their fictional content, how exactly are we to measure it, and who’s going to do the measuring? What percentage of fiction would be allowable? How would consumers know whether they were reading fact or fiction? We turned for guidance to the EU, with its years of experience setting and maintaining the standards for consumer products. Particularly helpful was their legislation for milk products – whole milk, skimmed or semi-skimmed.

The first requirement is to set clear, measurable standards. Just as the European commissioners require whole milk to have a 3.5% butterfat content, so a book labelled ‘fiction’ would need to contain at least 90% fiction. Skimmed milk must be 0.3% butterfat; non-fiction would need to be less than 10% fictional. Semi-skimmed milk can be in the range of 1.5 – 1.8% butterfat; we’re more generous – semi-fiction books would be permitted to include 20 – 80% fiction.

You might be wondering what would happen to books with 10 – 20% or 80 – 90% fiction content. We’ve learned an important lesson from our friends in Europe: it’s important that there should be clear separation between the different categories of product, in case the consumer might purchase a semi-fictional book thinking it’s non-fiction. For this reason, we’ve proposed that the new legislation should not permit the sale of books with a fiction content outside the permitted ranges, no matter what the format.

Who would calculate the fiction content? With hundreds of thousands of book producers, the only workable solution is for the author to do it. We’ll need regulators and stiff penalties, obviously. How would we punish authors who tried to mislead their readers? One suggestion we’re seriously considering is to reclassify the author’s entire body of work, not as fiction, non-fiction or semi-fiction, but at literary fiction, virtually guaranteeing that his books would never be read again.

How will the scheme be consumer-friendly? Again, we’re following the trail of milk. Blue, green and red caps on a milk bottle tell the customer whether she’s buying whole, semi-skimmed or skimmed milk respectively. Similarly, writers will be required to color-code their ebook covers to indicate the percentage of fictional content inside. Consumers have a right to know what they’re buying.

And this is where we can put democracy to work, giving you a chance to add your voice to the world community of FARTs. Just answer this simple question. What color-code should we use for fiction ebooks? Let’s find out if your vote matches our decision. Leave your preferred color as a comment below, or if you’d prefer, text your answer to FARTCOLOR.

Texts cost £5 plus 1 standard network rate message plus VAT. To register a vote you must be 18 or over. If you are not the bill payer, please ask for permission before sending a text. Only 1 vote may be cast per person. Closing date for voting is June 1, 2011. Votes cast beyond the maximum number stated or after the closing date, will not be counted, but may still be charged. Entries which are incomplete, incorrect, misspelt or incomprehensible will be void but may still be charged. FART will record and count each vote but may choose not to publish or be bound by the results.


Coming soon: new FART proposals for skimmed reading.

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Sorry – much of the site is still under reconstruction. But if you’re new here and looking for more satire, look for posts in The TwitFace Project category.

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The site’s a mess at the moment – I’m in the middle of a re-branding exercise, so mind your head on the scaffolding. But with the news today, I just couldn’t not post …

I’m surprised that with all the column inches devoted to Osama bin Laden today, there’s not a single mention of his one great claim to fame. He was probably the most successful indie writer, artist, performer of our age. When Osama spoke, the whole world listened and trembled. Even when we didn’t have a clue what he was saying.

You have to feel for the poor guy. Imagine how he felt when he saw his other buddies, Bush and Blair, landing big book deals with proper publishers. Even Saddam, for goodness sake, has 12 books on Goodreads – and now Sacha Baron Cohen’s turning one into a film. But Osama, what did he get? An interview. One lousy interview, way back in 1997 with CNN’s Peter Arnett and produced by Peter Bergen.

I mention Bergen because he immediately spotted Osama’s potential. I remember a couple of hours after the 9/11 attacks a fresh-faced, English-accented young analyst assuring the CNN audience that the outrage bore all the hallmarks of Bin Laden and an organization I’d never heard of before, Al Qaeda. Gospel truth. And while Osama never got his publishing deal, Bergen hit the big-time. He’s had three best-sellers already, including ‘The Osama Bin Laden I Know‘, and I notice today, less than 48 hours after the dramatic end to the manhunt, Bergen has been commissioned to write the definitive book. By George W Bush’s publishers.

Can you imagine how Osama must have felt? Is it any surprise that he was bitter and twisted? Everyone cashing in except him. What’s a guy gotta do to get a deal?

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We were talking about Osama this evening, my daughter and I. A newspaper, folded, between us. The headline: OBAMA WATCHED .. But they weren’t Obama’s eyes staring out at us – they were Osama’s.

- Do you think it’s true?
- Dunno. Dunno if it was ever true.
- He had such kind eyes.

Trust Josie. She’s always been immune to mental re-conditioning, praise the Lord.

I looked again. Sure enough, he did have kind eyes. Only problem was, turn the paper over and below the fold he had a curling sneer and a zealous uncompromising beard. The devil incarnate.

And I got to thinking. Now he’s gone, who do we have to replace him in the public imagination? Ayman al-Zawahari? Has a beard, but not the right kind of beard. No sneer. Who else is bad enough? Julian Assange? Young enough to terrify us for years. But just look at him. The face of an angel. Gaddafi then? All the right credentials, and I suppose the evidence is that he’s the West’s favorite for the role: after all, we know exactly where he lives, but we haven’t sent Seal Team 6 to batter down his doors. The problem is, he wears silly hats and looks like a pantomime version of Richard III. And he still doesn’t have a proper beard. So who’s going to scare children and grandmothers to bed? Where’s the face that will make us all believe our cause is right?

Wanted - dead or alive

It’s a rhetorical question. I already know the answer. It’s my face. I’ll need to fashion the beard a bit. But in the right light, at the right angle, I can do the sneer. I have a bit of background too – with all those years I spent in the Mid-East. Why? – I ask you to ask me.

Of course, I’ll need to cut back on some of my other activities to do the job properly. Being Santa at Christmas – that would have to go, for a start.

I’ll have to work a bit on evil too. But I think I know just the man who can help me. Peter Bergen, if you happen to be reading this, you’ll find me in the cave at the end of my garden. No, any time’s OK – just tweet me.

FOOTNOTE: Huffington Post reports ‘Bin Laden’ Google searches increase 1 million percent. Peter – seriously, call me. We could be HUGE together. And look at the graph. Your numbers are falling. You need me.

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In a two-part post, I’ll show why the Kindle seems set to dominate the e-reader market … perhaps driving all its competitors out. And then I’ll explain why, despite the advantages of consolidation, we may have reason to fear an effective monopoly.

Taking the publishing world entirely by surprise last week, Amazon announced that it had signed a deal to make its Kindle list available to 11,000 US libraries later this year.

Commentators, like TeleRead’s Paul Biba, are still busy piecing together the implications of the news and its impact on the market. But essentially the agreement seems to be between Amazon and OverDrive, the major supplier of books to US libraries.

On the face of it, this is good news. If you’ve been following this blog, you’ll know I’m a big supporter of book-lending and library systems. Most of the authors I love today were first introduced to me as recommendations from other people; very often I was first a borrower, then a convert, and finally a regular purchaser. That’s why through my own Author Associates scheme, I’m allowing those who enjoy my writing to gift an e-novel to their friends. Although I’ve chosen not to publish in print, libraries are very much in my plans.

Most libraries will probably welcome the announcement as well. Librarian Andy Woodworth wrote recently of the difficulty explaining to a would-be ebook borrower why a book might be incompatible with a reading device. Or if the book could be downloaded, how to organize all the permissions and programs needed. ‘I am the de facto technical support,’ he grumbles. How much easier it would be if, as Amazon no doubt intends, there was only one reading device to worry about. Particularly if it’s probably already the most popular e-reader available for seriously committed readers. (Don’t start growling, iPad fans. I haven’t forgotten you.)

Until now, the Kindle and libraries haven’t seen eye to eye. The Kindle’s proprietary AZD publishing system will not run ebooks published as ePub files, the free and open e-book standard. Other devices don’t read Amazon’s special AZD files. OverDrive meanwhile has always distributed ebooks to libraries as ePub files, using Adobe formatting to set borrowing terms. So Kindle books were out in the cold. (If this all seems too technical, bear with me and just think of it like this: the Kindle won’t read non-Kindle books, and non-Kindle devices won’t read Kindle books. It’s just like trying to run Mac software on a PC, or vice versa.)

But with the new agreement, the whole Kindle library will be accessible. Are you worried, libraries, that your previous investment in non-Kindle ebooks might be wasted? You needn’t be: OverDrive assures you that existing arrangements will be honored and you won’t have to re-purchase books that you already hold.

So, this author is happy that his book can be borrowed; the library is happy that ebook lending will become so much easier – and therefore that libraries can keep up with the digital times; the borrower’s happy that the ebooks she wants will now be available. Everybody’s happy.

Aren’t we?

Let’s look closer at where the Kindle seems to be going in the longer term. A good starting-point is the announcement from OverDrive’s’ manager for content sales, Karen Estrovich:

Your library will not need to purchase any additional units to have Kindle compatibility. This will work for your existing copies and units.

A user will be able to browse for titles on any desktop or mobile operating system, check out a title with a library card, and then select Kindle as the delivery destination. The borrowed title will then be able to be enjoyed using any Kindle device and all of Amazon’s free Kindle Reading Apps.

So, she’s saying existing copies of library ebooks (published in an ePub version, remember) will work on a Kindle. Does this mean that the Kindle will soon be able to read ePub files? I suppose it’s a possibility. But I’d be very surprised. Why would Amazon want to help promote ePub when its own best interests are served by delivering books in its proprietary format? Much more likely is that a major conversion program is underway to get existing OverDrive-distributed titles available in the AZD format.

Estrovich’s assumption seems to be that the Kindle will quickly become the library’s e-reader of choice. I think she’s right, because the Kindle has three important competitive advantages:

  1. It’s easy to download and use. Most readers and writers aren’t especially technical, and librarians are tired of explaining.
  2. Amazon has spent years building its book catalog. Back in 2005, Tim O’Reilly in his landmark article ‘What is Web 2.0?‘ advised: “For competitive advantage, seek to own a unique, hard-to-recreate source of data.” That’s exactly what Amazon has done. Virtually any title will be available.
  3. The Kindle will cost next to nothing.

OK, perhaps I’m jumping the gun on Kindle pricing. True, there’s been web speculation that the reader will be free by Christmas, but Amazon have stated nothing of the sort. Yet all the indications are that further price reductions are in the offing. Already in the last 18 months, Kindle prices have halved, and there was another important announcement last week. Users in the States will be able to buy at a price as low as $114 if they’re prepared to accept advertising.

My view? The price slide won’t stop there … because Amazon, unlike Apple, is essentially a sales and marketing operation, not a hardware manufacturer. They make their money taking a cut on the sales of 900,000 books to a few million readers. But suppose they could drop the price of the hardware low enough so that, say, every school kid and college student carried their text-books on a Kindle? Suppose it became just as indispensable to us as a calculator? Suppose they do exactly what the manufacturers of ink-jet printers did, selling the hardware cheap and maximizing their profits on ink cartridges, selling to a captive market. Because of the strength of their catalogue, that’s exactly what Amazon could do. And their competitors would be left floundering.

If that’s the plan, the libraries initiative makes absolute sense. It’s not the sales of hardware to the libraries that Amazon are interested in. It’s another step towards establishing the Kindle and the Amazon brand as the only viable e-reader in the market. To create an unassailable monopoly.

But of course the Kindle won’t eliminate the competition, you say, you technistas. How could it, when The iPad is packed full of features, offering so much more than the Kindle?

If you were around at the end of the 80s, maybe you’ll remember those feature-full, multimedia-capable home computers, the Commodore Amiga and the Atari ST. Alongside them the clunky IBM PC, with only 16 colors and a few beeps – fine for business applications, but also trying to push into the home market with pricing at less than $1000. I remember attending a conference of leading British leisure software publishers as late as 1990 and debating: Was the PC a serious contender? The answer was a resounding ‘No’.

Yet a couple of years later, the PC was almost the only show in town. Not the IBM model though. Manufacturers in the Far East managed to reverse-engineer the machine and flooded the market with cheap clones, with prices at or below the cost of the best home computers. The combination of keen pricing and a wide, versatile software range – including proven business and productivity applications as well as games – made the PC clone the perfect family computer.

What happened back then seems to be characteristic of emerging technologies. In the early days a number of manufacturers struggle for pre-eminence, each of them with a slightly different system and standards. Before the PC clones, there were at least half a dozen serious contenders for home computer leadership, all with their own operating systems and their own software. But eventually a point is reached where one of them wins out, and a single standard emerges. It happened with home computers. It happened with video – when JVC’s competitively-priced VHS machines eventually triumphed over Sony’s technically superior but more expensive, Betamax. And I think it’s about to happen with e-readers.

I’m not saying that the iPad isn’t a wonderful machine, or that its success will be short-lived. It offers tremendous potential for so many different activities, which users love. But if we’re talking specifically about the world of digital books, it’s the Kindle which seems poised to assert its supremacy and consolidate the market.

Which will make a lot of people happy.

And which fills me with concern.

Next time, I’ll explain my concerns, drawing on my experience as an independent software publisher working with another company that built a monopoly – Microsoft.

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I’m beginning to wonder whether this week’s Royal Wedding in the UK is one of the most audacious feats of political skulduggery ever.

My suspicions were alerted when I saw a headline in the Daily Telegraph this morning.

Archbishop of Canterbury hails plan to measure national happiness

It wasn’t the normal Easter address from the head of the Anglican Church, calling on Christians to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ. Instead Dr Williams used the occasion to praise Prime Minister David Cameron’s proposal to replace GDP with GWB (= General Well-Being) as the primary indicator of the nation’s progress.

And then he called on us to celebrate the union between our future Defender of the Faith and his Kate, proclaiming ‘Let a thousand street parties blossom!’

Is it only your TwitFace correspondent who has noticed that hard on the heels of The Wedding – just a week later, when we’ll probably still be trying to find our shoes before we stagger home from the party – comes one of the defining moments in our political history? What defining moment? You’d forgotten? May 5th is the date set for our referendum on AV, the Alternative Vote, possibly changing the way we elect our politicians.

Every time I turn on the TV, I hear people talking about street parties. And what parties they’ll be! Starting on Friday, running all weekend, and continuing on Monday, MayDay. How do I read the timing of The Wedding and this incessant call for partying? Surely it must be an elaborate collusion between Church, State, Monarchy and Media to ensure that not a single person votes in the referendum? ‘Politics – blah! Pass me the Alka-Seltzer.’

A conspiracy? But of course. After all, AV goes against everything our Big Society stands for. The current system is monogamous: a voter chooses a single politician and pledges loyalty. But AV – ranking the candidates on a list – is designed to encourage open relationships with multiple partners. Some would call it a loosening of our moral standards. Some would say that at best it’s a ‘least worst’ electoral system.

Ever since he was hustled into his shotgun marriage with Nick Clegg, it’s been clear that Mr Cameron has regretted his vow to put AV to the public vote. And now I see that the Royal Wedding is simply a plan to scupper the referendum.

Some would call this plan devious – evil even – but not me. I’m full of admiration. It’s been brilliantly conceived, carefully concealed, and skilfully executed. And I’m sure that our Prime Minister will take no pleasure in the thought of those millions of people waking up with a headache after a week of partying, far away from their polling-station, and trying to remember why May 5th was important. I’m confident that his motives are exemplary because he’s a forward-thinker and a democrat. How else could you interpret his quest for General Well-Being?

I’m convinced that, like me, the PM realizes none of the current proposals for electoral reform address the fundamental flaws in our democracy. Which isn’t democratic. He’s done his sums, I’m sure. He’ll know that even when a candidate secures a 50% majority, the voting turnout is rarely more than 70%. What does that tell us? That there will always be a majority of people who either actively oppose the winning candidate – or could care less. Surely there must be a better way.

And of course, there is.

Tell me how many people in your household voted in the last national election? How many in the last local election?

Now tell me how many people in your household use one of the social networks – Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, for a start? And how many of them have registered a vote for something they’ve Liked in the last 24 hours?

No contest, is it? You may have exercised your chance to vote in an election once every few years. But here on the web we do it several times a day. The beauty of it is that we don’t even have to read more than a few words. As soon as we see a smart headline or a face we recognize, all we need to do is click on the ‘Like’ button. Surely that’s how democracy was always supposed to work!

It’s only unfortunate that having reached this conclusion, Mr Cameron then commissioned a quango – the Office for National Statistics – to carry out a £2 million, 9-month research project to give him the answers he already knew. I know! I know! Old habits die hard.

But with respect, Prime Minister, may I suggest that the time for action is now – or at the latest May 6th – the day after nobody has voted in the referendum. Close down the Office for National Statistics immediately, demonstrating your firm yet even-handed control of the nation’s purse-strings, and implement these reforms. The country will thank you.

1. Abolish elections

Let the people’s representatives be those who garner the best support in the social media. Those who are most followed, most Liked. Or perhaps you could use The Independent‘s clever algorithm, which ranks Twitter users by Authority, Audience and Activity.

With your 1 million plus Twitter followers, you need have no fear for your own seat, but abolition would result in the de-selection of almost all sitting MPs. At a stroke, you’d remove the lingering public suspicion of expense-mongering. And instead of Vince Cable, Ed Balls, Theresa May for company, you’d have Stephen Fry, Russell Brand, Rio Ferdinand … luminaries whose voices and opinions the people really trust.

Think of the change as a move away from end-of-year exams and toward continual assessment.

2. Abolish campaign funding

Approximately £67 million was spent on campaign funding in the UK during the 2010 election year, money that could be usefully diverted to other urgent social causes (such as my upcoming sequel to “The Social Network” – “Birdman of Folsom Street“).

Not one of The Independent’s influencers owes their position to external funding. Surely this must also increase public confidence in the integrity of our representatives.

3. Abolish parliament

My proposal is actually that we should restrict political statements to sentences of not more than 140 characters. Twitter has shown how completely unnecessary longer utterances are, and it provides the perfect platform for debate. I had a concern that replacing parliament with Twitter might lead to a devaluation of content, but research from Pear Analytics shows that in fact, the two forums are virtually indistinguishable. Analyzing Twitter content over a 2-week period in 2009, Pear organized tweets into 6 categories:

  • Pointless babble – 40%
  • Conversational – 38%
  • Pass-along value – 9%
  • Self-promotion – 6%
  • Spam – 4%
  • News – 4%


4. Sell off the Houses of Parliament

Since our representatives will communicate in cyberspace, there’s no further requirement for a property which occupies a prime development site in the heart of London on the bank of the Thames. No longer will Members need to maintain a second home in London (no more expenses scandals!), and the money raised from the sale could also be used to support my film.

5. Re-brand democracy.

The public is tired of hearing the same call to action for over 150 years – ‘One man, one vote’. That’s why turnout is often so low in elections: people expect different these days, people expect more. My suggestion is ‘One man, 104,000 Likes’.

The number has been carefully calculated. In a single week, each person would be allowed a maximum of 2000 Likes, in my view perfectly sufficient to express a point of view. More than that, and there’s a danger that campaign farms could be set up by candidates eager to wield influence, persuading followers to Like them day and night.

I’m not quite comfortable with ‘One man’. It cleverly builds on the original campaign, but perhaps we should make it clear that women have the Like too. Your suggestions would be welcome.

I’m quite certain that Mr Cameron’s thinking will be far in advance of mine. That’s what you’d expect from a man who has stated that the National Well-Being scheme should ‘lead to government policy that is more focused not just on the bottom line, but on all those things that make life worthwhile’. That he wants Britain to be ‘in the vanguard’ of efforts around the world to change the accepted measures of national progress ‘rather than following meekly behind’.

But he needs our support. So if you believe this plan could reawaken the public’s interest in tired old politics and politicians, then please click on the Like button below. Remember that in Egypt, it took only a month for social media activists to transform the political landscape. With your help, Mr Cameron could do the same.

Recent posts in The TwitFace Project:

Entertrainment
14 Ways To Make Friends With Americans

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I was reading spiritual activist Michelle MacEwan’s thoughts on myths and story-telling this morning:

Every mythology has to do with the wisdom and magic of life related to a specific culture and a specific place. These mythologies are timeless narratives handed down from generation to generation.

And I was reminded of something my protagonist, Richard, writes in The Lebanese Troubles:

I’ve always thought the best part of an adventure comes with the telling. That’s when myths and legends are born – out of the ordinary actions of ordinary people. In a way, it’s the story that really is the adventure, not the events at all. It’s the story-teller who collects the incidents, shapes them, colours them, decides which to keep and which to discard. He can make a hero out of a bystander, a villain out of a man acting under orders. He can make the trivial significant, the accidental planned, cowardice an act of bravery. The wonderful thing is, it’s all true – just because he tells us so, and the story is his invention.

A fictional character reflecting on myth-making. I guess that makes it untrue.

But a myth doesn’t need to be true; it needs to be Truth.

Somehow that seems appropriate on Easter Sunday.

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Here’s a post from a year back on reader engagement. It’s a little dated – who remembers Tony Blair and Brangelina now? – but the advice still holds. Maybe I should re-read it too.

# # #
Fame Costs - Book cover

This is the book I’ve been reading lately. Bet you didn’t think I was into that kind of thing. To be honest, nor did I, when Lena set it down next to the computer a couple of weeks back.

- It was only 20p at the stall in the market.

- Was it?

- Thought it might give you a few ideas.

Uh-oh. Been spending too much time on the damned book recently and not paying enough attention. So she buys me a Mills & Boon. Why didn’t she just say something?

- Look here – under the smiley man. ‘A true story of the author’s struggle to break into print.’ Useful?

- Um, yeah. Maybe.

Humour her.

 

Fame Costs is the true story of F.T.Unwin – or Pimbo, as he liked to call himself. He was from these parts, a Cambridge man, and it was Cambridge he wrote about. Not the university town. Not the tourist town. His books were full of stories of the people who have always lived here, and probably always will. Sentimental, nostalgic stuff. ‘He was, undoubtedly, an awful writer – which is all part of his naive charm’, that’s how he was remembered recently. Not much to appeal to today’s reader.

Unless that reader happened to be me.

Pimbo had a life-long ambition to be a writer, paid for writing courses, submitted to magazines, and after 30 years of rejections decided to go it alone with his first novel, using a vanity publisher. He managed to place a few copies in local shops, did some signings, and sold less than 100 books. So what to do with his stock?

Here’s what. He gets on the bus with a bagful of books, heads for one of the outlying villages, and starts selling door-to-door. Sets himself a small target every day and doesn’t take the journey home till he’s hit the target. Writes in the morning, gets the bus in the afternoon. He’s around 60 years old.

The first year was hard, but he began to attract attention, with a little press and radio coverage. Then it was local TV. Pimbo did it his own way. He was a character.

And the next year, when he took his new book on the same routes, people remembered. They invited him in, told him their own stories – which of course were then featured in his next novel. Pimbo’s readers began to have a personal stake in his books.

By 1987, with around 20 titles to his credit (nobody seems to know exactly how many), he had sold 80,000 books. Did his readers love them? Well, just about every review I can find includes the word ‘awful’, but as one commentator puts it:

Fred Unwin probably had a larger readership amongst local people than any better known author, and certainly amongst those who might not normally read books … He built up a list of regulars, brought great pleasure with his visits, and when he had made enough money from selling one book he would write another. He commands huge respect for that.

 

So what am I recommending? Write slush? Get out there selling door-to-door? Neither. But the lessons of reader engagement in Pimbo’s story still hold true today just as they did then, 30 years ago. Just one thing has changed. We don’t have to wait for the bus any more. Because we’re on the magic bus – the web – and we all have a free pass. This bus is especially magic because although you still need to start by going out to find your readers, you can soon get them coming over to your place – it takes just a second – if they enjoy spending time with you.

This is what I’ve learned from old Pimbo:

  1. Know who your readers are. For him, it wasn’t people who went into bookshops, or the city’s temporary residents, but the people who had lived in Cambridge all their lives.
  2.  

  3. Go find those readers. We shouldn’t expect people to buy our books just because they’re in the bookshop. Once we’ve identified our typical readers, we need to find where on the web they hang out, and spend some quality time with them. Not selling all the time: people hate that. But chatting, discussing, commenting, sharing, becoming one of the gang. And then when it’s time, inviting them back to our place – or places. (Different places for different types of reader.)
  4.  

  5. Make the visits frequent. Pimbo’s visits were once a year. Everyone would know when he was due back in the neighbourhood. Times have changed, and now our visits are two-way. When your friends drop in to visit you on your blog or website, there needs to be something new every day. Maybe not a major new post like this. But latest updates, new links, anything to keep the content fresh. And you need to be going out visiting every day, too, or people will quickly forget you. Of course, there’s not time to visit all those great sites you’ve bookmarked and leave comments. Only the key ones. But you can remind friends of your presence by posting regularly to Twitter or Facebook, at least a couple of times a day, maybe three or four.
  6.  

  7. Make every visit pleasurable. Sounds obvious, doesn’t it, if you want people to come back to your place again? But how? There are some great ideas from Misty Belardo in The 8 Types Of Posts That Get Maximum Comments. She suggests how-tos, competitions, personal experiences, showcasing your work, resource lists, thought provokers, creative work, humor. I’ll add only two things – there should be a place for most of these in your website or blog – and that the content needs to change quickly enough to keep it feeling fresh. Nothing turns people off faster than a static site.
  8.  

  9. Keep it personal. Pimbo met people face-to-face. We’re not actually going to meet most of our readers, but we can still engage with them personally, by encouraging questions and comments and reactions. I don’t think it’s necessary to respond to every comment individually – not if you’re busy – but we should be acknowledging the feedback we get, and we should aim always to answer questions. Within 24 hours. You might want to encourage readers to post their questions via Twitter – because all interactions will be less than 140 characters long. Nobody will expect long email answers.
  10.  

  11. Make the experience interactive. For Pimbo, this meant gathering stories from those he visited. In A Real Writer, I want to encourage everyone to assist with the research – by helping me, everyone helps themselves. And if readers do get involved, they’ll feel they have a stake in my success.
  12.  

  13. Remember that you’re part of the story. Pimbo’s novels were pretty awful, remember. And yet he sold 80,000 books. Let’s face it, my writing friends, a book very rarely stands or falls on its quality alone. Pimbo sold because he was a character. Then there’s this Tony Blair fellow – the one who’s book has won him a £4.6 million advance because, as his US publisher says, he’s ‘such an exceptional writer’. Would anyone have given him £1000 for a book in 1982, when he stood for Parliament in a by-election, won only 10% of the vote and lost his deposit? Unlikely.

    For your book to succeed, it really helps if you have a compelling story for yourself. I’m not suggesting that you necessarily need to start a war or two. And please don’t start telling your readers what you had for breakfast this morning, unless your name is Brangelina. But what is it that makes you stand out from the crowd? Start preparing that story too.


Have you found any new ways to engage with potential readers recently? Did you actually engage with any new readers today? How?

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Spring

On a dazzling blue summerish spring day like today, there are few pleasures to match a train journey through the English countryside. Our green and pleasant land is awash with color. Bluebells and primroses cluster on the embankment; in the meadows, dense white sprays of blackthorn and cow parsley rejoice in the sunshine, while horse chestnuts have spired and turn to flower; in parks and gardens, there’s delicate pink cherry blossom and stately copper beech; and we slice through famland impossibly yellow with rapeseed.

But of course, you wouldn’t expect your roving TwitFace correspondent to notice any of that. As I travelled by rail in the late morning, my interest was in communication, the effective use of media, the quality of engagement and the return on investment.

Since my journey took me through London, I was able to observe the current status of social marketing for both the overground and the underground service. The rail authorities have kindly requested me to submit a full report of my findings ( – “If you have comments on our services, please contact us at …”). But in the meantime, here’s an interim summary.

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

While rail seems to understand the importance of social media and has significantly increased its output and improved its content for travellers, there are still too few opportunities for genuine interaction, as my suggestions will indicate.


Factual information and reminders.

Accurate but uninspiring. The correct routes and stations were pre-announced, and doors were there to be minded when we were told to do so. I always remembered to collect all my personal belongings when instructed.

Suggestion: work on the style of the scrolling marquee text in the carriages. Instead of:

The next station is Charing Cross

try:

OMG. Charing X next. LOL

Length

Generally acceptable, though an occasional tendency to ramble:

Good morning. This is your train controller. I’m sorry to tell you that I won’t be issuing tickets on the train today because my ticket-machine is broken. But I have alerted the main-line stations and … use your tickets … buy new … blah … blah … Thank you.

After starting well, he quickly lost our interest, and well before he came to the end, we were all back to sending our own text messages.

Frequency

I timed the silences between platform messages at an average 1 min 35 seconds (slightly shorter on the underground), which is acceptable. No travellers complained that they’d been left unattended.

But a real opportunity has been missed on the in-carriage information boards on mainline trains, where the distance between stations is considerably longer, yet no new messages are displayed for several minutes.

Suggestion: Link the information boards directly to Twitter. Then maximize exposure and feedback by creating the hashtag #amtravelling.

Originality

Poor on the underground with frequent repetition of the colourless – A good service is available on all lines.

Surprising creativity on the main-line station platform:

Parents and guardians are requested to keep children under supervision at all times. Trains may pass through this station unexpectedly and at high speed.

‘Unexpectedly’ made the announcement instantly memorable – and I duly Liked it.

Linking

Some evidence of both internal and external links.

To ensure your safety and comfort on this journey, please observe the instructions posted in the carriage.

On checking, I was pleased to see notices pointing accurately to the fire extinguisher and the alarm bell at the door of the carriage.

More ambitiously:

We would like to inform passengers that services on this line will be disrupted at the weekend due to planned engineering work as we seek to improve our services. For further details, please check our station noticeboards or visit our website at xxx.com.

Suggestion: make it possible for travellers to Like these improvements to the service.

Entertainment value

Strategically placed – right in the middle of the main-line carriage – was a woman’s group on a day-trip to the city. This was pure social marketing genius: the group was loud, brash, on-topic and ready to share with everyone.

For example, here in the UK we have a royal wedding coming up next week – everyone’s talking about it. From our women, I learned the secret history of Royal Icing – on the outside of the wedding cake. Unfortunately I can’t tell you here … because it’s a Royal Secret. But I also learnt that another way to say 2:30 is ‘visit to the Chinese dentist’. (Two – tooth … you see? Never mind. I’ll save it for Twitter.)

Suggestion: This experiment would have worked even better if fellow-travellers were able to give feedback. A button perhaps, on each seat-rest allowing us to Like or Rate each story, joke or phone conversation overheard in the carriage. Think of it as a social icebreaker.

Retweets and Mentions

The system clearly works well on the underground, and in fact I’m presenting the Samuel Beckett RT Award to the oldish gentleman with electric gray hair, gray shirt, loose-fitting trousers over loose-fitting legs, and a brown paper bag in his hand. He lurched across the platform in my direction, shaking his fist at the arriving train and all its well-socialized passengers.

Mind the gap. Stand clear of the doors.

- Min’-the-gap. Stan’ clear o’ the fuckin’ life!

Other TwitFace Project posts:

The TwitFace Plan
7 Health & Safety Tips For Bloggers
Donate A Family. Save A Writer
14 Ways To Make Friends With Americans
Shiny Happy People
What Is Web ME 2?
How To Hypnotize Readers
One Of Our Tweeps Is Missing

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